Tonight my husband dyed my hair... It wasn't the first time. But, it was the first time in many... many years. He used to dye my hair when the kids were young and times were tough and I couldn't afford to go to the hair salon. But, that seems like another lifetime ago. I actually wrote a poem about him dyeing my hair back then called "Pintame las canas." If I find it I'll share it here. It must be on one of those floppy disks in a box in the garage. Ugh! That damned garage. Anyway... If you don't know what a floppy disk is they look like this..
We are heading into our 4th week of quarantine because of COVID-19 and I'm getting grouchy. It started off nice enough. We figured we would take advantage of this "quiet time." We made a schedule: Walk (we started walking 5 miles a day at the beginning of the year), shower, meditate, eat, music, read, "work" (finish my commission. Yes!) and then Netflix or Amazon or whatever. My husband, Jose Luis, decided we would have a special dinner on Sundays so we would have a reason to dress up and I could put on my make up and red lipstick and a black dress because that makes me happy. See... https://www.facebook.com/jose.l.valenzuela1/videos/10158472664336929
And this...
And we stuck to it for a couple of weeks. But as things got worse with the virus, we started wearing masks on our walk and tried to practice social distancing but other people walking along our route were not and then our kids didn't want us to go on our walks anymore.... I mean, they were right. It was becoming stressful to have to try to keep 6 feet from people when they are walking right toward you. And we live in Monterey Park where the population is Asian and Latin@ and since we were wearing masks and people couldn't see my smile when I veered six feet away, I started thinking that people might think I was being racist. I saw one women video tape me as a walked way out of her way. It felt weird...
So, we started dancing instead of walking. We both like to dance salsa. We tried to replace our walks with dancing. But, it's not the same. Jose Luis would ask, "Are we gonna dance?" and I just wouldn't be in the mood. Then we'd skip a day, then two. We'd meditate every now and then. No reading and, to be honest, this is the first thing I've written since going into quarantine on March 15th. I read an article about not feeling guilty about not being productive during this time, but it's hard. It's hard because I know when this ends I'm going to be like, "I could have written two plays! What the fuck was I thinking?"
Last week, we danced two or three times and meditated once. I read maybe one hour tops; the New Yorker Magazine about China and the Corona Virus. We lied around in our pajamas, watched TV... ate. One of us would say, "Let's see what the stupid president did today," and we'd watch the news. Man, when are we going to get rid of that guy? Do we have to wait until the election and is he going to try to cancel the elections because of the virus? If he were a Democrat, shit would've gone down a long time ago. But, that's another topic altogether and I don't want to get into that here. I know we should, because even though we are in the middle of a global pandemic, he's doing shit. You know he is.
So, I'm getting grouchy. Poor Jose Luis... In my play "Premeditation" (I'll share the script here if you are interested in reading it). Anyway, in the play my character, Esmeralda, claims that the only time her husband does what he's supposed to is if she "brings it to his attention...firmly." I've been doing a lot of that lately. Bringing stuff to his attention...firmly. Crumbs on the counter, dirty dishes, closing the door, the garage... Small stuff. He likes to cook and he's a good cook. But, I try to eat healthy and he likes to cook delicious stuff that is very high in calories. Chorizo con huevo, frijoles, tortillas, tacos, sopitas, etc. It makes it hard to keep the diet I started at the beginning of the year to lose weight for my daughter's wedding. But, her wedding was postponed due to this pinche virus and that's another topic altogether. I want to stay on this diet until I reach my goal and Jose Luis does not cook "light." And when he cooks he makes a big mess and doesn't clean up, which is okay. I mean, if he cooks I should clean. No problem. But, after I clean, he'll go back into the kitchen to make a "snack" or something and makes a big mess again. I ask, "What do you do, wait until I've cleaned to go in and dirty up the kitchen again? He responds, "Mi reina, I'm trying to make you happy. I know how much you like to remind me of what I do wrong, so..." And we will have a good laugh. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention we laugh a lot. We laugh everyday and we express our love and gratitude for our life, for our children, our friends, all of our loved ones.
The unpredictability of life is so present now. There has been so much loss in these few weeks. And people are dying alone, without their loved ones by their side to give them comfort. No services... My son's girlfriend lost her grandmother and wasn't able to say goodbye. We lost a dear friend. A beautiful Norwegian actress, Kari Winge Onstad. She was a master at her craft and so courageous on stage. Offstage she was an amazing woman, mother and the wife and life partner of Stein Winge, my husband's mentor. She danced every day, taught dance and most recently she became a DJ. She went by "DJ Grandma." She was amazing and passionate and healthy and suddenly she is gone. Only a small number of people were allowed to attend her services because of the virus. Look at her... https://www.facebook.com/kari.winge.18
And here...
We recently got bad news about another dear friend who is terminally ill and we know we will not be able to say goodbye. Life...so damned unpredictable. "La vida te da sorporesas, sorpresas te da la vida," sang Ruben Blades in his song "Pedro Navaja." Google it. It's a New York story.
These are scary times. And not to sound apocalyptic or anything (I said that with a heavy chola accent) but who knows what our new normal will be. I read an article that said we should stop assuming things are going to "get back to normal" because we are never going back to what life was before this virus. Before this pinche Corona Cabrona. Who knows? Maybe it will after the vaccine. I mean, humanity has survived pandemics, plagues, measles, small pox, polio and we will probable survive La Corona and maybe we will all get back to doing what we love most, what I love most, theater. But, I won't have a play!!! That's okay. :) People are dying and we are still alive and healthy (fingers crossed) with food and shelter and toilet paper. We are the lucky ones. We are blessed to be living in Los Angeles, California where our leadership is actually "leading."
Today, we danced and my husband dyed my hair. He did a good job and got all my canas. I wish he knew how to give me a mani-pedi, but I am grateful. I guess we will take it day by day. Maybe we'll dance, maybe we won't. Maybe we'll read, meditate, work, write. And maybe we won't. Maybe, I will write a play. Maybe I will write another blog post.... And maybe I won't. Tonight my husband dyed my hair. How lucky am I?
